Sunday, October 28, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Weekly Horoscope 10/13/12
Aries – You will trip going up stairs, but you won’t fall or stub your toe
Taurus – If you aren’t patient, you’re going to burn the roof of your mouth
Gemini – After all these years, you will finally find out the name of that song
Cancer – Tip someone five dollars more than you usually would
Leo – It’s just a mole
Virgo – You should stop picking at it and just let it heal
Libra – It’s not too late to change that top…
Scorpio – Get a haircut
Sagittarius – Don’t look in the mirror so much
Capricorn – Sex is going to be really boring today
Aquarius – There isn’t anything you could have done
Pisces – You probably shouldn’t have done that
Taurus – If you aren’t patient, you’re going to burn the roof of your mouth
Gemini – After all these years, you will finally find out the name of that song
Cancer – Tip someone five dollars more than you usually would
Leo – It’s just a mole
Virgo – You should stop picking at it and just let it heal
Libra – It’s not too late to change that top…
Scorpio – Get a haircut
Sagittarius – Don’t look in the mirror so much
Capricorn – Sex is going to be really boring today
Aquarius – There isn’t anything you could have done
Pisces – You probably shouldn’t have done that
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Top Ten Things I Assume Are True of Mitt Romney... Until We See His Tax Returns
10. All the money lost by Bernie Madoff? Romney has it.
9. He donated $1.2 million to Al Qaeda
8. He “forgot” to pay taxes in 2008 after losing to McCain
7. His residence is officially located in Zurich, Switzerland
6. His college loans are still not paid off
5. He runs a charity, “O Sea D,” which helps obsessive-compulsive yacht owners acquire an extra vessel so that they have an even number
4. His wife is a five-child welfare queen
3. He qualified for a special “rapist exemption”
2. He has been taking deductions for his other wives
1. He is “El Chupa Cabra,” a notorious Columbian cocaine lord
9. He donated $1.2 million to Al Qaeda
8. He “forgot” to pay taxes in 2008 after losing to McCain
7. His residence is officially located in Zurich, Switzerland
6. His college loans are still not paid off
5. He runs a charity, “O Sea D,” which helps obsessive-compulsive yacht owners acquire an extra vessel so that they have an even number
4. His wife is a five-child welfare queen
3. He qualified for a special “rapist exemption”
2. He has been taking deductions for his other wives
1. He is “El Chupa Cabra,” a notorious Columbian cocaine lord
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Weekly Horoscope 10/6/12
Aries – You’re going to wake up late and have to rush your morning routine.
Taurus – While trying to sleep, you’re going to have a pretty good idea.
Gemini – Take a chance, even though you’ll probably fail.
Cancer – Try shaving a little less.
Leo – Try shaving a little more.
Virgo – You’re going to get a lot of junk mail this week.
Libra – If it rains, don’t bother bringing an umbrella.
Scorpio – Wear a black top on Wednesday… trust me.
Sagittarius – Be on the lookout for money on the sidewalk.
Capricorn – Your internet will go out, but not for very long.
Aquarius – This is a good week to eat seafood.
Pisces – Stay away from anyone who is an Aquarius…
Taurus – While trying to sleep, you’re going to have a pretty good idea.
Gemini – Take a chance, even though you’ll probably fail.
Cancer – Try shaving a little less.
Leo – Try shaving a little more.
Virgo – You’re going to get a lot of junk mail this week.
Libra – If it rains, don’t bother bringing an umbrella.
Scorpio – Wear a black top on Wednesday… trust me.
Sagittarius – Be on the lookout for money on the sidewalk.
Capricorn – Your internet will go out, but not for very long.
Aquarius – This is a good week to eat seafood.
Pisces – Stay away from anyone who is an Aquarius…
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Top Ten Actors Who Could Play Me In a Movie
10. Jonah Hill (the fat version)
9. Philip Seymour Hoffman
8. He’s not an actor, but Peter Jackson
7. Daniel Stern (the tall robber in “Home Alone”)
6. Andy Serkis (using CGI)
5. John C. Reilly
4. Rainn Wilson (Dwight on “The Office”)
3. Meryl Streep
2. Zach Galifianakis
1. Seth Rogan
9. Philip Seymour Hoffman
8. He’s not an actor, but Peter Jackson
7. Daniel Stern (the tall robber in “Home Alone”)
6. Andy Serkis (using CGI)
5. John C. Reilly
4. Rainn Wilson (Dwight on “The Office”)
3. Meryl Streep
2. Zach Galifianakis
1. Seth Rogan
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